Fortune Cookies – Glückskekse

Eine Sammlung der besten Glückskeks Sprüche (Furtune Cookies)  auf Englisch.




Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch behind should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

Man who toot in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget


Every Titanic has its iceberg.

What’s tennis without a racket.

Insanity is hereditary, – You get it from your children.

An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

Gravity doesn’t exist: the earth sucks.

What’s the most popular form of birth control? The headache.

Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.

What’s black and white and red all over? An embarassed zebra.

Organization is the enemy of improvisation.

Opening night: the night before the play is ready to open..

I did it! I found the program’s last bug bug bug bug bug bug.

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.

To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Anthony’s Law of Force: Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.

If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant.

When in darkness or in doubt, Run in circles,

scream and shout

There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch…

The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional to its attendance.

Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

Parkinson’s First Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

Parkinson’s Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income.

Do not believe in miracles – rely on them.

When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.

Two wrongs do not make a right: it usually takes three or more.

A king’s castle is his home.

A lie in time saves nine.

A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.

A man who turns green has eschewed protein.



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