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Strange Questions and Fun Facts

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

Mosquito repellents don’t repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito’s sensors so they don’t know you’re there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn’t like being seen wearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

The three most valuable brand names on earth:Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo and no one knows why.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word „criminal.“ The second was William Jefferson Clinton.

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world’s nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

It’s physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years.

No word in the English language rhymes with „MONTH.“

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left handed.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

„Go,“ is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

PS… So, did you try to lick your elbow????

 


 

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE.

Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).

Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH.

Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME.

Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.

Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).

Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS.

Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR.

Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH.

Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE.

Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON.

Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET.

Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED.

Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY.

Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

 


 

Stages of Life

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK

17 beer

25 beer

35 vodka

48 double vodka

66 Maalox

SEDUCTION LINE

17 My parents are away for the weekend.

25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.

48 My wife is away for the weekend.

66 My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT

17 sex

25 sex

35 sex

48 sex

66 napping

DRUG

17 pot

25 coke

35 really good coke

48 power

66 coke, a limousine, the company jet

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 „tongue“

25 „breakfast“

35 „She didn’t set back my therapy.“

48 „I didn’t have to meet her kids.“

66 „Got home alive.“

FAVORITE FANTASY

17 getting to third

25 airplane sex

35 menage a trois

48 taking the company public

66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

HOUSE PET

17 roaches

25 stoned-out college roommate

35 Irish setter

48 children from his first marriage

66 Barbi

WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 25

25 35

35 48

48 66

66 17

IDEAL DATE

17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in

25 „Split the check before we go back to my place“

35 „Just come over.“

48 „Just come over and cook.“

66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.


 

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK

17 Wine Coolers

25 White wine

35 Red wine

48 Dom Perignon

66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 Need to wash my hair

25 Need to wash and condition my hair

35 Need to color my hair

48 Need to have Francois color my hair

66 Need to have Francois color my wig

FAVORITE SPORT

17 shopping

25 shopping

35 shopping

48 shopping

66 shopping

DRUG

17 shopping

25 shopping

35 shopping

48 shopping

66 shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 „Burger King“

25 „Free meal“

35 „A diamond“

48 „A bigger diamond“

66 „Home Alone“

FAVORITE FANTASY

17 tall, dark and handsome

25 tall, dark and handsome with money

35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain

48 a man with hair

66 a man

HOUSE PET

17 Muffy the cat

25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat

35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat

48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat

66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 17

25 25

35 35

48 48

66 66

IDEAL DATE

17 He offers to pay

25 He pays

35 He cooks breakfast the next morning

48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids

66 He can chew breakfast

 


 

70 THINGS WE’VE LEARNED FROM THE MOVIES

1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

2) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

3) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

4) When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

5) Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

6) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

7) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.

8) It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

9) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

10) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

11) Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

12) An electric fence powerful enough to kill a large dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

13) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

14) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.

16) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

17) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

18) You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war – unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

19) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince in agony when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

20) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade- at any time of the year.

21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

22) It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

23) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.

24) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

25) Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

26) If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath – even if it’s the middle of the afternoon.

27) Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

28) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

29) All single women have a cat.

30) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

31) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

32) Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting – especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

33) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

34) Dogs always know whose bad and will naturally bark at them

35) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

36) Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

37) Whenever a natural or man-made disaster is about to occur, the hero escapes (alive) nano second before its too late and is catapulted into the air by the force- but is never harmed

38) No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

39) If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

40) You can always find a chainsaw whenever you’re likely to need one.

41) All Americans have phones which can reach throughout the house-even if it has a cord. If it’s cordless- you can pick up perfect reception all around the house…unless there is an insane killer about

42) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

43) Guns are like disposable razors – if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

44) Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

45) Building ventilation ducts are always clean.

46) Film stars are always super-human- they never need to use the bathroom

47) Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can hack into the most secure government system.

48) Any aliens from outer space that you meet will speak your language.

49) No matter how many times you punch someone they will always come back for more – and their wounds have healed dramatically the next day

50) All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

51) All handcuffs can easily be opened with nothing more than a paper clip.

52) Grocery shopping bags are made out of brown paper and there is always enough shopping to fill two bags exactly.

53) If you need to open a locked door make sure you have a credit card handy that will do. Unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

54) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.

55) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

56) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

57) No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

58) When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

59) Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people – whether they are employed or not.

60) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

61) Should you decide to defuse a bomb don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

62) Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

63) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

64) Even if you’ve been set up for murder, been framed and you have the whole world wide police force hunting you down, you will automatically live happily ever after as long as you break away from the police and kill the bad guy.

65) If you desire to send any car into flame for any given reason, just shoot it three times, even though in real life you could stand right in front of a vehicle and shoot the gun into the gas tank, it wouldn’t ignite the fuel, only 1 or 2 bullets in the world can cause a spark, and it seems every police man in movies who blow up vehicles have those bullets!

66) Any woman who has just witnessed her father, (brother, husband, family member ECT) killed right there in front of her, will never be traumatized, morn, or be effected in anyway to resist making love to the hero who saved her!

68) Why when the hero of the movie gets the girl at the end, it seems like they will live happily ever after, yet doesn’t even mention her name or remember her in sequels!

69) You never need to look up the phone number for the pizza delivery service and the delivery guy is always psychic -you never need to tell him where you live or what you want on your pizza.

70) After witnessing a horrible crime being committed- don’t call the cops, instead conduct your own Private Eye investigation.

 


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