Funny pick-up lines

The simply pathetic ones

* Be unique and different, say yes.

* Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

* Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

* Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

* Hi. Are you cute?

* I’m easy. Are you?

* I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

* Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

* So….How am I doin‘?

* You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.

* Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one? (if yes: Want another one?)

* When she’s leaving:“Hey, where are you going?“ Answer:“home.“ You:“You’re not just gonna leave me here like this are you?“

* Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

* Does your boyfriend know where you are?

* The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

* If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

* (Approach a group of them) I’m gonna have sex with you, you, and you. Alright, who’s first?

* (give the person a bottle of tequila) Drink this, then call me when you’re ready.

* Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

* Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.

* As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!


Just plain crazy

* (Walk over to her)“Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don’t talk about it.“

* Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.

* Come on, you can’t get pregnant again.

* Did you know that the word ‚motel‘ spelled backwards means ‚letom‘?

* Do I know you from somewhere, because I don’t recognize you with your clothes on?

* Do you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime?

* Excuse me, miss? Hi, I’m doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.

* Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get ‚em while they’re hot!

* Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!

* Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn’t make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.

* HI! Can I buy you a car?

* Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

* I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Well, if it’s not, I’d like to give it to you anyway.

* I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting.. Let’s meet sometime…

* Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s?

* Want to see my stamp collection?

* What’s a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

* Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you’d look just like Venus de Milo.

* You have the ass of a great artist.

* If I pet you, would you follow me home?

* Greetings and salivations

* Chicks dig me because I rarely wear any underwear, and when I do it is usually something eroticaly exotic…want to see?

* I need to dump my load. Do you mind waiting for me on the bonnet of my car?

* Pardon me, can I borrow your spatula?


The cheesy ones

* (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.

* Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

* Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?

* Are you lost ma’am? Because heaven’s a long way from here.

* Are you O.K.? Because heaven’s a long fall from here.

* As she’s leaving….Hey aren’t you forgetting something? She: What? Me!

* Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he’s missing an angel!

* Bond. James Bond. [She:Lost. Get Lost]

* Can I borrow a quarter? [„What for?“] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.

* Did it hurt? She: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?

* Do you come here often?

* Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

* Don’t worry about it. Nothing that you’ve ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we’re together.

* Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

* Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.

* Hey…somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.

* Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

* How was heaven when you left it?

* I didn’t know that angels could fly so low!

* I have only three months to live…

* I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

* I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

* I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

* I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.

* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.

* If I followed you home, would you keep me?

* If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

* Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

* My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.

* So there you are! I’ve been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!

* Stand still so I can pick you up!

* Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on earth!

* What time do you have to be back in heaven?

* Do you know what that sound was? It was the sound of my heart breaking.

* What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

* What’s that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle.

* What’s your favorite position on extramarital sex?

* What’s your sign?

* Where have you been all my life?

* Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?

* Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

* Wow!

* You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.

* You must be a hell of a thief ‚cause you stole my heart from across the room.

* Your daddy must have been a baker, ‚cause you’ve got a nice set of buns.

* Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.

* [Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

* Can I have directions? She:“To where?“ To your heart.

* Was your father a thief? ‚Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

* [Look at her shirt label.] When they say, „What are you doing?“ You respond: „Yep! Made in heaven!“

* Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I’m lost at sea.

* Ask a woman for the time. „10:30? So today is July xx,xxxx, at 10:30 pm, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you.“

* „Pinch me.“ „Why?“ „You’re so fine I must be dreaming.“

* Your daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox!“

* Your daddy must be an archer because he sure shot a bullseye!

* Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny!

* Ouch! My tooth hurts! She: „Why?“ Because you are sooo sweet!

* You must be from Pearl Harbor, ‚cause baby, you’re the bomb.

* You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

* Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!

* Hi. I would like to award you the {Whatever beer we were drinking} award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics i would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing which will win you an all expense paid date with me.

* Is your dad a terrorists? Cause you’re the bomb.

* Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.

* If beauty were sunlight, you’d shine from a million light-years away.

* Baby, you are the finest thing in the world. I could put you on a place and sop you up with a biscuit.

* Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

* I must be a snowflake, ‚cuz I’ve fallen for you.

* Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it’s just a sparkle.

* Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I’ve been searching for!

* You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!

* It’s my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? She:“Is it really your birthday?“ No, but how about a kiss anyway?

* What’s the name of your perfume? „Catch of the Day?“

* If you were a laser, you’d be set on „stunning“.

* (person walks in, and you say:) And out of nowhere comes the sunshine!!

* When I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels.

* I’m good at math: U+I=69.

* If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.

* Hi. Your name must be (your car here) because my backseat has it written all over.

* Excuse me, do I need to buy a ticket for your fantastic voyage?

* Mars? this is the advanced recon unit. Good news, I’ve found a couple of foxes.

* Damn! Somebody needs to write explosive on you, cuz your the bomb!

* Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?

* Do you remeber Crayola Crayons? They used to have this color…Blizard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes…Blizard Blue.

* Something tells me you’re sweet. Can I have a sample?

* Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date?

* Your lips look so lonely…. Would they like to meet mine?

* Is that a keg in your pants? ‚Cause I’d love to tap that ass.

* Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boyfriend?

* I have an „owie“ on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?


The deep ones

* (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

* A women asks, „Excuse me, do you have the time?“ You: „Do you have the energy?“

* Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

* At the office copy machine „Reproducing eh?“ „Can I help?“

* Baby, I’m an American Express lover….you shouldn’t go home without me!

* Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?

* Can I flirt with you?

* Can I please be your slave tonight?

* Can I see your tan lines?

* Can you believe that just a few hours ago we’d never even been to bed together?

* Cold out isn’t it? (staring at breasts)

* Congratulations! You’ve been voted „Most Beautiful Girl In This Room“ and the grand prize is a night with me!

* Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) ‚Cause I could see myself in your pants.

* Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D’ya wanna do lunch?

* Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.

* Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.

* Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coord inated.

* Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I’ve got all weekend.

* Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

* Do you spit or swallow?

* Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?

* Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

* Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, „Hi Laura!“ She says, „I’m not Laura!“ And you say, as your hand slips a little lower, „But you sure feel like her!“

* Go up to a girl, ask her: „Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?“ She says no. Then wink.

* God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.

* Have you ever played leap frog naked ??

* Help the homeless. Take me home with you.

* Here’s a quarter….call your roommate and tell her you won’t be coming home tonight.

* Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?

* Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you!

* Hey! Ya wanna try out my new ‚Home Artificial Insemination Kit?‘

* Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don’t get a date by tomorrow, she’s putting me up for adoption.

* Hi, I’m new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I’ve see so far. Can you give me a tour of your body?

* Hi, my name is „Milk.“ I’ll do your body good

* Hi. You’ll do.

* How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?

* How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!

* I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: „Smile if you want to sleep with me.“ And watch them try to hold back their laughter.

* I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?

* I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?

* I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

* I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

* I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

* I wonder what our children will look like.

* I would kill or die to make love with you.

* I would say that I’m in love with you, but you’d think I’m trying to pull a fast one.

* I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

* I’d look good on you.

* I’ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.

* I’m an organ donor, need anything?

* I’m Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

* I’m leaving this place..want to cum?

* I’ve got a condom with your name on it.

* I’ve got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it?

* I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?

* If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?

* If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

* If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?

* Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just happy to see me?

* Let’s have a party and invite your pan ts to come on down.

* Lie down. I think I love you.

* Miss, If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

* Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, „I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum.“

* Oh no, I’m choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!

* Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?

* Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

* Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

* Sit on my face and let me get to ’nose‘ you better?

* Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.

* So, come back to my place, and if you don’t like it I swear I’ll give you a full refund.

* So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?

* That dress looks great on you…as a matter of fact, so would I.

* That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

* That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.

* That’s a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.

* That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

* There are 265 bones in the human body. How’d ya like one more?

* There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

* Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?

* Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let’s get the hell out of here.

* Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

* Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?

* Wasn’t I supposed to eat you somewhere?

* What do you like for breakfast?

* When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?

* Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?

* Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?

* Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

* Will you marry me for just one night?

* Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

* Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

* Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

* Would you please come home with me and tie me up…

* Ya know, my mother would just love you if I brought you to my place tonight and then to her place tomorrow.

* You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.

* You have some nice jewelry. They would look great on my nightstand.

* You know, I’ve always wanted to sleep with you.<

* You smell wet. Let’s Party.

* You’re good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?

* Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?

* Hey baby…mind if I take my pants off?

* I love you, you know.

* If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful?

* Have you ever played spank the brunett…..wanta try?

* Are those lumber jack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.

* Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.

* Girl, yo‘ so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a hole filed of you!

* You remind me of a championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you.

* Is your last name Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get.

* I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.

* Hey baby, as long as I have face, you’ll always have a place to sit.

* Hi. Can I domesticate you?

* Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!

* Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?

* If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

* Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.

* Hey I’m looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

* „Excuse me, but you dropped something back there“ She: „What’s that?“ You: „This conversation, lets pick it up later tonite.“

* I’ve been a bad boy,so spank me!

* Say Baby do you mind if I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so?

* I’m a freelance gynocologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?

* Yeah, it’s big and if you pet it, it spits

* You say, „So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most sexual relationship?“ The reply, „No“. You respond, „Well then, let’s go to my place and I’ll tell you all about it.“

* Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why? Because everytime I look at you I have swelling „down there“

* Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

* Let’s let only latex stand between our love.

* (Walk up to a girl and lick two fingers and place them near her crotch. Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I know you!

* So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod?

* Um…I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?

* There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to mount.

* If you had some nuts on the wall, would they be walnuts?(yes). If you had some nuts on your chest, would they be chestnuts?(yes) If you had some nuts on your chin, would they be chinnuts?(yes) Hell no, you’d have a dick in your mouth.

* Do you like chips? Because if you are frito lay than I am a barrel of fun!

* I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?

* Come over here and get a taste of America’s Most Wanted.

* Hi. My name is Laura. I’ll be your play toy tonight.

* Did you know that I saved a girl’s life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?

* You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, storages? Well, I don’t even own a car.

* Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?

* How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?

* Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.

* Are you a virgin? She:“No.“ Prove it!

* Hey baby, I’d like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley.

* Hi. I’m a dog and I need to bury my bone.

* Lets skip all the bull-shit lose our inhabitions and DO what we really came here to do.

* You bring a whole new meaning to the word, „edible.“

* Do you live on a chicken farm girl: „no“ Well you sure know how to raise cocks.

* Excuse me, but you have a „dick for“ on your head. [What’s a „dick for“?] I’ll show you.

* Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

* Hi, sorry I don’t have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . .

* What’ll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.

* Do you wanna box? She:“Yes“. Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.

* Pick a number between 1 and 10…Wrong. You lose, now take off your clothes.

* Want to play lion tamer? You could get on hands and knees and I’ll put my head in your mouth.

* What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name.

* I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.

* If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

* (wiping your face), Oh I’m sorry, (wiping your face), let me clear a place for you to sit!

* Hey I see your wearing clothes, I’m wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.

* Is your boyfriend here? Is he on the roof? (No.) Then let’s go to the roof!

* Wanna play „kite“? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.

* My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .

* I’m easy, but it looks like you are hard.

* Do you have room in your life for another friend?

* Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

* Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

* Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven’t got any, how about a cock?

* Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I’m here after.

* If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?

* Could you tell me where they keep the rutabegas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabega?

* I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.

* I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.

* I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.

* If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.

* Hi. I’m horny.

* Excuse me, but you’ve got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What’s a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?

* You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.

* You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What’s wrong with my clothing?) They’re still on.

* (Look down at the crotch) It’s not just going to suck itself.

* So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?


These might actualy work… well, some of them…

* (Walk into her chest) „If they weren’t sooo large, it wouldn’t have happened.

* All those curves, and me with no brakes.

* Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!

* Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

* Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Hershey’s outta business.

* Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

* Didn’t I see you on the cover of Vogue?

* Excuse me, I don’t want you to think I’m ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.“

* Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!

* Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?

* Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!

* Hey, don’t I know you? Yeah, you’re the girl with the beautiful smile.

* Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland last year, weren’t you?

* I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

* I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!

* I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

* I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?

* I think I can die happy now, cause I’ve just seen a piece of heaven.

* I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.

* I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and you’re beginning to look pretty good.

* If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

* If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

* Is it hot in here or is it just you?

* Just where do those legs of yours end?

* Let’s take a shower together — you smell.

* Nice to meet you, I’m (your name) and you are…gorgeous!

* So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?

* Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess(or prince) like you.

* Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!

* Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

* Were you arrested earlier? It’s gotta be illegal to look that good.

* Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

* Were your parents Greek Gods, ‚cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.

* What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

* What’s that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it’s not coming off!

* Wow! Are those real?

* Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.

* You are the reason men fall in love.

* You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

* You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!

* You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You’re making the other women look really bad.

* You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? Twice.

* You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

* You should be someone’s wife.

* You’re ugly but you intrigue me.

* You’ve got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.

* Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

* Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

* Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night!

* If you have a chance to become anything on earth what would you want to become?“ [the answer] you: “ well to me, i want to be your tear drop: i was born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

* Babe! you look so fine i could drink your bath water!

* I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

* I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

* You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

* You’re so hot you would make the devil sweat.

* Baby, you so flat you make the walls jealous.

* If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

* I bet you could suck the chrome off a trailor hitch.

* I bet you could suck Lincolns head off a penny.

* Gee, for a fat girl you sure dont sweat much.

* Are you wearing space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.

* Excuse me…..Hi, i’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you…

* If god made any thing better/prettier than you he must have kept it for him self.

* Guy: Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Girl: Why? Guy:I looked at you and dropped mine.

* Girl, if I were a fly, I’d be all over you, because you’re the shit!

* There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!

* Damn, I thought „very-fine“ only came in a bottle!

* Your dad must have been retarded, ‚cuz you are special.

* Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?

* Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

* If beauty were time, you’d be eternity.

* Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!

* Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

* If you stood infront of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

* I just wanted to show this rose how incredably beautiful you are!!

* I betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day.

* You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family. I hope that it would be seen as flattery.

* You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.

* Are you a tamale? ‚Cause you’re hot.

* You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

* I was going to tell you a joke that’ll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.

* Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Superbowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) cuz it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I’d rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.

* Where’s your paper bag? (What?) Your paper bag to put over your head. (Excuse me?) It’s dangerous for someone like you to be out in public with all of these horny people around. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.

* When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor…so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

* Has anyone ever told you that you have Scandinavian hands? (Uh, no.) No, of course not, that would be an incredibily stupid thing to say, wouldn’t it? Excuse me miss… Is your face so messed up because you fell from heaven.

* Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)

* Do you bleach your teeth? ‚Cause your smile lights up the entire place like a candle in a dark room. Let’s go prove it.

* Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.

* Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

* Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

* Do you go the ocean much? ‚Cause you smell like the CLAM!

* Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.

* I’m sorry, but, have we met before? (No.) Oh, I’m sorry, I guess that it must have been your mom.

* Baby, you’re so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.

* You’re a babe, right? Haven’t you seen the film?

* Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.

* Even though the ugly lights are shining bright, you still look beautiful.

And then some more – These are lame and using them could get you slapped in the face 🙂

* Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!

* Baby, I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

* Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.

* Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.

* Do you want to see something swell?

* Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!

* Excuse me, I’m a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?

* Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?

* Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

* I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.

* I know I don’t look like much now, but I’m drinking milk.

* I’d marry your cat just to get in the family.

* I’ve gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.

* My friend and I have a bet that you won’t take off you blouse in a public place.

* No, I’m not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

* Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

* Pardon me, are you in heat?!

* Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?

* So, you’re a girl huh?

* Stand back, I’m a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I’ll loosen her clothes.

* Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn’t 3.5 inches and it ain’t floppy.

* Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some friends because my face seats five.

* You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

* You make my software turn to hardware!

* You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

* To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well:“Hey, wanna hook up sometime?“

* If you were a booger I’d pick you first.

* Pardon me, have you seen my missing nobel prize around here anywhere?

* Are you accepting applications for your fan club?

* Hey baby… drop that zero and get with the hero in other words… you better come with me.

* Hey baby you’re so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what’s your name?

* My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to

* Hi… would you fuck me? I’d fuck me, I’d fuck me real hard!!

* Is your name Pepsi cause‘ I’ve gotta have it.

* There’s this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn’t go by myself…..

* Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

* When I first saw you, I knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsle hockey.

* Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, „do you want to taste my drink?“

* They call me „coffee“. I grind so fine.

* Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?

* Which one of the Spice girls are you?

* Male: Hey, I don’t feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.

* Weren’t you at the tractor pull last night? I remember your tits.

* Hi, my name is Doug. That’s „god“ spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.

* (Used while you and a male friend wear a bib. Walk up and stare at breasts) Ma ma!

* This is a test of the emergency pick up line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pick up line.

* Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

* Guy: I bet you’re a C-cup. Girl: How’d you know that? Guy: My testicles are the same size.

* Did your father have sex with a carrot? Cause you’ve got nice eyes.

* I’m bigger and better than the Titanic….. only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

* Can I take you to the Bone-yard?

* I may not be dairy queen but I’ll treat you right!!!

* Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, „Particularily nice weather.“

* My love for you is like diarehha. I can’t hold it in.

* Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?

* Damn, have you been eating beans and rice lately?

* I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?


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